what is it about...

...toothpaste that makes people want to walk all over the place? i had company this weekend... company that's stayed at my place before and company with whom i have stayed with before. i love company. actually, no i don't. i tolerate company out of respect for the relationship, but to be honest, i'd much prefer they leave at the end of the night.

anyway, i'm getting off track here. i noticed that when this person brushes their teeth, they seem to want to show off the fact that they're brushing their teeth by walking out to where ever i am as though they're just being aloof and casual and not wanting to miss anything going on (i.e. what's on tv). occassionally, they also try to speak whilst brushing their teeth. now, this isn't the only person i've seen do this... in fact, it seems to happen quite a bit and i find it... well, disgusting.

sure, i'm a bit of a germ-o-phobe and that doesn't help my position on this issue, but brushing one's teeth is a method of cleansing oneself. to me, it's like jumping in the shower to get wet and then running out to where i am to lather up. and people don't do that (or at least i've never seen it happen).

i'm very happy people are brushing their teeth, but i don't want to see it. i'll take their word on it... honest! no need to show me. t, you can add this to my list of things i hate... (just mentally add it, i don't expect you to physically add it)

asparagus and marmalade are fun words to say... go ahead, try 'em out for yourself

so i'm driving to work this morning and stop at the lights just before my office. it's typically a fairly long light and, since i'm easily distracted, i started looking around. as i glanced in my rear-view mirror, i see this truck pulling up behind me and the driver looked like he was having an attack of some sort. so i thought, hmmm.... this could be funny to watch - and i did.

turns out, he was just chewing gum. but he was chewing it so fast that it looked like he was having a seizure. like three or four chews per second and his head was bobbing and shaking as he chewed. i guess it just proves the point i outlined in the title of this post - someone's always watching so never, ever do anything stupid because you'll get caught and some idiot will write about it in their blog.

the night the world turned against me

sometimes, things don't turn out quite as you'd planned. that happened to me thrice tonight. first, i planned to kick some major ass on the basketball court. that didn't happen. not only did we lose, we were handed our asses on our way off the court. second, i planned not to hurt myself. that, too, fell through. i seemed to have pulled my right calf muscle. but on the bright side, it only hurts when i stand up, walk or run....

finally, it turns out my brilliant laundry plan also took a wrong turn. i thought i had everything planned out, but i got home from basketball only to find myself down one pair of underpants. that's right, not only was the person doing laundry after me not bothered by my "forgotten" underwear... they actually took them. so i'm very creeped out.... and, i'm out a pair of under thingies. who steals underwear? more accurately, who steals men's underwear? starting tomorrow, i begin my search for a new apartment.... and maybe i'll put up a note in the laundry room asking for my underwear back - though, i don't think i want to know who took them.

the old switch-a-roo

so i mistakenly posted something on my good friend t's site last week in regards to a laundry issue (a forgotten pair of granny underpants in the dryer preventing me from being able to finish my load of laundry... and sleeping for two nights).

anyway, tonight, i came up with a brilliantly devious plan based on the "what's good for the goose is good for the gander" mantra. here's how my plan works...

tonight, i did a wash and was able to put my clothes in the dryer without incident (though i get a chill every time i go in there now). so shortly after i came back in my apartment, i hear somebody put their money in the washing machine and starting it up. soooooooo, my plan is, when my clothes are dry, i'm going to leave a pair of MY underwear in the dryer.

i know! it's brilliant! i'm an evil genius - like that guy in that movie about that thing... you know the one. anway, who cares. what's is important is my plan. let's see how they like it! hahahahahaha

and don't worry, i don't plan to be a dick or all creepy about it... i'll pick 'em up when i get home from basketball tonight so the dryer will be free for use in the morning.

grab the remote

marta was watching the football game with me when she said, "you know, most of these sports are based on the idea of one group protecting its territory from invasion by another group." "yeah," i said, trying not to laugh. girls are funny.

you know what? i think my new thing will be to try to be a real happy guy. i'll just walk around being real happy until some jerk says something stupid to me.

speaking of which, my stupid VP won't pay me with those giant novelty cheques. what a jerk.

one more thing...

if you wear a toupee, why not let your friends try it on for a while? Come on, we're not going to hurt it.

plans for monday

on monday, i plan to march in the VP's office and demand that he starts paying me with those giant wooden cheques that you see on tv all the time for charity donations and sporting events.

that's all i have planned for now... oh, other than handing out peanut butter balls i made tonight - two varieties. that's right, i rock!

my name is very popular... you wish it was your name too, don't you?

according to PBS, my last name is the 268th most popular surname in all of the united states. what is it in canada? i can only guess, but would say it's probably more like 10th.

wanna know how your name ranks? go here

people are stupid

it's hard, working at an advertising agency, to not criticize commercials i see on tv and ads i see in magazines/newspapers, but it's a career i've chosen, and i have to live with it... no longer can i just sit back and enjoy watching tv or flipping through a magazine. tough life, really.

so tonight, i see this commercial for nyquil/dayquil. lots of typical mediciny crap you'd expect to see and then, something you really shouldn't expect to see (or at least i wouldn't as a consumer)...

the line used throughout the commercial was blah, blah, blah, use nyquil at night and dayquil during the day and feel better faster. then, in small type at the bottom of the screen, it said "compared to no treatment"

hold on a second... you're telling me that if i take this medicine, i'll feel better sooner than if i don't take any medicine? that's amazing! actually, no... it's not amazing. in fact, it's completely the opposite. isn't that the point of medicine? it helps your body heal faster than it can on its own? otherwise, why take it? certainly not for the taste... and definitely not for the sex appeal.

what this commercial tells me is that it's not as good or better than any other medicine on the market and, quite honestly, can barely beat out one's own weakened immune system. what a great sales pitch! quite frankly, i was moved much more by the victoria's secret commercial that came on right after that. now there's a company/brand that's all about features and benefits!

another late night

ok... i've given in to the fact that i'm going to have to work late every night for the rest of my life (or for the rest of this week... which ever comes first). that said, i decided to take a break from work to clear my head. the activity: google myself

to say that i'm bitterly disappointed would be the understatement of the.... hour? i remember about two years ago being bored and deciding to google myself. i was in the top 20 search results. today, i wasn't even in the top 300 (i couldn't bare to look past that).

it's clear to me now that the last two years have been a disaster. to drop more than 280 places (god only knows the true number) is unacceptable. this means one of two things... 1) i haven't done anything in the last two years that warrants recognition on any web site. or 2)... ok, so there's no number 2.

so anyway, i've gotta do somethin'. break a world record. run for president. run for vice president. sue the pope for child support... something. hmmm... what about a dart club? maybe that would put me back on the google map. if i start a dart club, then i'll be important! first, i'll have to buy some darts and maybe one of those target dealies that you throw them at. then, i'll need to learn the name of the target dealie. i'm not sure what the step after that is, but i'm sure it will become obvious.

ok, back to work... but before i go, i should mention this:

i bet the main reason police keep people away from a plane crash is they don't want anyone walking in and lying down in the crash stuff, then, when somebody comes up, act like they just woke up and go, "what was THAT?!"

ok... this is getting ridiculous

since i'm still here waiting...

more things that suck:

- country music
- people who talk non-stop without giving other people the chance to provide their own opinions or to give them the opportunity to tell them to go to hell and walk away. (sure, i could just walk away, but it's more fun to tell them to go to hell)
- any kind of insect or parasite or germ
- almost all food
- air canada (had to repeat that... sorry)
- my current apartment
- my winter jacket, and, more importantly... the fact i need a winter jacket
- potato chips with that green discolouration along the edge... because what is that?
- being single and realizing it
- taking a shower and having the water instantly turn either really hot or ice cold without warning
- people who don't take showers
- the color pink
- dumplings of any kind
- and many, many, many more things.

but here's one thing that doesn't suck (at least anymore)... i can finally go home!!

still here...

...and still waiting.

what do normal people do on saturday night?

attitude problem? what attitude problem asshole?

so i'm sitting here at work at 8 PM on saturday night. i've been here since 10 AM... and since i'm waiting for my creative team to send me stuff to go over, i figured i might as well take the time to update my blog... which hasn't happened in, i don't know... almost three weeks i believe. and i'm very proud of my good friend T for not putting up a stink about that.

first, let's start with basketball. as it always seems in my life, i'd say i broke even on the topic of basketball over the last three weeks. on the one side, it sucked that i missed two weeks worth of playing (from being in ottawa and then with games being cancelled last week). on the other hand, it's unbelievable how well i played this past week and, not only that, but how well my entire team played. we were actually undefeated in six (that's right! SIX!) games. quite honestly, i don't know that i could have played any better, both on offense and defense. too bad there wasn't a national basketball association (or something) i could join that would pay me ridiculous amounts of money for my skills.

work... well, enough said. actually, not quite. T - you wanted to know other things that suck... i'll tell you. having your vacation cancelled because you're the only one at work who knows how to form a complete sentence on paper and the company you work for desperately needs you to come in and save the jobs of almost 20 people by writing a proposal that nobody's going to read because it's almost 200 pages long and the client you're submitting it to already knows everything about you really, really, really, really, really really, sucks. and on top of that, i'm still single and 31 years old!

oh yeah... and did i mention i'm sitting here at work at 8 PM on a saturday night? something's not right with this picture. all of a sudden, i'm terribly pissed off for some reason. i need someone to blame...

a few things to get off my chest

1. moncton airport sucks. for an airport that's less than five years old, it's ridiculous to see that a group of retarded monkeys were assigned the job of designing and decorating this place. (yes, i'm at the airport right now)... imagine a clean slate and then purposefully building this cancerous tumor when so much is known about public structures, behaviour and esthetics.

2. air canada sucks worse. for the second time in two weeks, i'm not going to be able to make it to ottawa when i paid to be there. last time, they couldn't get the plane started. this time, it's delayed for over two hours which means i'm going to miss my connection in montreal and i'll have to pay for another hotel room there in addition to the perfectly good one i already paid for in ottawa. air canada won't pay for it because i live in moncton and i've been told i can't make it to ottawa tonight so i can stay in moncton... of course, if the only morning flight to montreal is late tomorrow morning or cancelled, then, once again, i will have missed a very important meeting in ottawa.

i think my battery is about to die so i'm going to post this... don't worry, there are a lot of other things that suck... i'll get to 'em.

desperate house boy

i'm not going to comment on the fact that it's been a while since i've posted something. i believe i covered that in my very first posting.

have you ever noticed how confusing a locked door in public can be to the person trying to open it? i was recently hosting a focus group for work and the inside doors in our building lock at 5pm, so i had to wait downstairs to let people in who were participating in the group. now, our office also shares space, on the main floor with TD Canada Trust and inside the main doors are two other sets of doors aside from the ones that lead to where i was - 1) to the inside of the bank, and 2) to the ATM machine which also had its own set of doors from the outside.

the ATM's inside doors also lock at 5pm which means that the only way you can get to the machine is through the exterior doors. and this, my friends, is how i realized the problem of the locked door.

people would enter the main door and then try to enter the locked doors leading to the ATM, not knowing they were locked. so they'd reach out, and pull. that not working, they'd try the other door. it too was locked. so they'd take a step back with a very puzzled look on their face and then they'd try each door again. still not opening, they then tried to puch the door open... you could see the frustration building up on their faces... that's usually the time they'd notice the exterior door and would leave. i sat there for a good 15-20 minutes and i counted at least five people who all went through the same routine. it was absolutely hilarious... and i highly recommend you finding a similar location and watch people.

and now this...

i wish my name was Todd, because then i could say, "Yes. My name is Todd. Todd Blankenship." Oh, also I wish my last name was Blankenship.

business idea

if i ever opened a trampoline store, i don't think i'd call it trampo-land, because you might think it was a store for tramps, which is not the impression we are trying to convey with our store. on the other hand, we would not prohibit tramps from browsing, or testing the trampolines, unless a tramp's gyrations seemed to be getting out of control.

week 2

ok. so there's a disturbing pattern forming in my 2005/06 basketball season. it was another losing week for us. and unfortunately, i have to take 90% of the blame this time. in all of the games we played, we were ahead for the majority of the game (or tied)... which i will take some credit for as, once again, i played stellar offense. unfortunately, when it came down to closing out the game, my offense fell apart and i couldn't make a shot, regardless of how easy it was.

offense: solid at the beginning of each game. non-existant when it counted. i'm so ashamed!
defense: i'd say it was about the same... adequate. could have been stronger though.
rebounds: i think i improved here. not my best rebounding performance, but stronger than last week
assists: gotta say i picked it up a notch in this area. saw the whole court and got the ball where it needed to be.

record: 2 wins, 5 losses -- this has got to get better at some point, right?

"my wife has an inner ear infection"

last day of the long weekend. i'm very happy that today is thanksgiving because it allowed me to sleep in - which i couldn't do the last two days because i had stuff to do before friends arrived and then they spent the night. so i needed the extra "me" time today. all in all, last week was a good cake week. even though i didn't go out and buy my own cake, like i thought i might, i ended up having 3 cakes. unfortunately, i had to share all of them... but still, 3 cakes is a pretty good number - don't you think?

you know what?

i wish i would have a real tragic love affair and get so bummed out that i'd just quit my job and become a bum for a few years, because i was thinking about doing that anyway.

the actual saga

ok... about this saga thing i've been talking about. it's really not a saga at all. it's basketball. basketball season (or more accurately, my basketball season) started last wednesday night and to say i was excited would be like saying it's a little warm on the sun. i've been waiting months for a regular game of basketball and now it's back!

so i think i might keep a regular posting of how the games go as well as my performance so i can see where i need improvement (which, i'm guessing in most cases will be nowhere). so last week... week 1 if you will, i played 3 games. i won the first one and we lost the other two. the reason i say that is that i shot the lights out of the first game. we were down by a lot near the half-way point and i just decided to take over and we came back and won - in fact we almost doubled their score by the end.

in the next two games, i had some feelings of guilt for being a bit of a ball hog/show-off so i decided to include my team more actively. and although i realized that they were struggling offensively, i continued to give them the ball so it's definitely partially my fault we lost. i had a significant height advantage over my defender in both games and didn't take full advantage. so... in summary:

Offense: i ruled! one of my best offensive performances ever. EVER!
Defense: adequate, but could have been stronger. had a height advantage but didn't capitalize on it. only 1 block and i don't think i had any steals.
Rebounds: i did an ok rebounding job - considering it was the first week.

Record: 1 win, 2 losses (disappointing, but very early in the season)

it was a very good way to end my 30th year of life. made turning 31 much easier.

and the saga begins...

stay tuned for more details.