blogging intentions

so while i had planned to make my last post my last post, i realized that it was post #199 and i simply felt as though i should end on an even 200.

perhaps not though. maybe there will be others, but i've got a lot on the go these days and no time for two blogs.

oh yeah, i started another blog just for photographs. no brilliant sarcasm. no endearing wit. just photos.

feel free to visit. or don't. i'll still be visiting you because that's how i roll.

new photo blog is http://lookawayimhideous.wordpress.com

i update it a lot more frequently than this piece of crap blog.

sorry...

...but it has to be done.

new member of the family

meet our new puppy.


well, she's not really a puppy. she's 7 years old (in human years). she's wonderful (like me). well behaved (like me). beautiful (like me). slightly overweight (like me). and only speaks french (so ok, we're not exactly alike).

it's ok to be jealous. perfection in a dog is difficult to come by... suckaaaaas (is that how you would spell that? probably not)

on vacation next week!!!

but not going anywhere. bummer.

if you think this means i'll have lots of time to post new stuff to my blog... well, you'd be wrong about that (like usual).

well, maybe not completely.

moving day countdown

ok. so there won't be an official countdown. but we (t & i) bought a house and are moving in on saturday.

we could use a little help moving. how 'bout it internet?

is there anything more disappointing...

...than turning down a road called "old red school house rd" only to find out that there's no old red school house there?

'cause i can't think of anything.

threats from hr

email received from hr this morning:
"Heads up on your timesheets... If all outstanding timesheets are not completed by 5pm tomorrow, you will be locked out of your email..."

my response:
"does this mean i won't be able to read these annoying reminders to complete my timesheets? cause quite frankly, i could use a break from them."

my work is finally paying off!

financial post headline:
Air Canada CEO Montie Brewer resigns

'nuff said.

- except for what a stupid name - unless you're a snake plant or a pet of some sort.

i guess i tend to sleep-email

it seems as though i've recently been sending myself a number of strange emails in the middle of the night. they all come from "me" and have subjects like:

"your insatiable chick will be full of pleasure" - wow, she's very lucky. i hope it was because of something i did.

"your clothes are upside down" - that would explain the staring, and the difficulty in getting dressed.

"let's report abuse about this" - umm... won't that get us in trouble?

"i forgot to leave you number" - i'm not quite sure what i'm saying here. i'm leaving me? i'm leaving someone named "number"?

"this man asked you number" - ok... another email about this "number" thing. a little more clarity would help.

"your comment was deleted" - which comment?

"joining us or what?" - i'm right here!

"again you are not right here" - yes i am. look at my last statement!

"about your late arrivals" - this must have something to do with air canada...

"can't call you right now" - that's right... i'm sleeping

"does 6 p.m. suit you?" - umm... i usually go to the gym at 6 p.m. - how's 8?

"everything is as you wanted" - great. that's exactly how i like everything.

"complaints about your car" - who's complaining?

"answer the mail, why do you ignore?" - oh shut up

"where are my papers, have you taken them?" - they're my papers.

"shall we meet again?" - yes... perhaps in the morning when i look in the mirror.

"if you miss our party, i will KILL you" - threats!

"your meaty instrument needs improvement" - now that's just mean. i think my meaty instrument is quite nice.

"need you in two hours" - ok. i'll be wherever i am.

"don't limit your pleasure" - good advice, even from myself.

one step closer

pre-approved for a mortgage.
found a house.
put in an offer.
offer accepted.
house inspection complete.
lawyer retained.
ass rape by insurance company underway. (very uncomfortable right now)

all that's left is the negotiation of the mortgage. should be done tomorrow.
then we get a house in a month. aside from the sore ass i'm going to have thanks to the insurance company, it's been a relatively painless experience.

why don't i have more houses? i like houses. and the show house. and cookies. mmm... yeah, cookies are good.

it's inappropriate caption time!

"so, my friends, how shall we split the bill?"
"well, i'm not paying."
"why should we have to pay? he invited us."
"i only had 1 piece of bread, so i shouldn't have to pay."
"who does this guy think he is?"

go ahead... i dare you to add your inappropriate caption in the comments.

more reasons why air canada sucks

4. 25 hour delay tuesday night - mechanical problems
.5 hour delay thursday - math problem (trying to figure out tonnage or something)

updated how much they owe me on the right. another update to come from late last month, but have to check my notes regarding how long the delay was and for what stupid reason. and i'm flying again tonight, so i'm sure there will be more delays.

don't fly air canada if you can at all avoid it!

house diary

i figured you're probably getting tired of the gym diary posts so i wanted to add some variety to mix things up a little bit. that's right... i'm digging out my big wooden spoon.

so i'm going to do some posts called "house diary"

k2 got a mortgage and she seems cool so i figured, what the hell... i'll give it a shot too. and maybe i'll also buy a house in a douchey neighbourhood. what? she copied me first. i lived in alberta last year and then she buys a place in a neighbourhood called alberta. what's that about? i'll tell you what it's about. i'm her hero.

ok. so we've only just begun the process. have been pre-approved for the mortgage and have kidnapped a realtor (she was a real fighter). from what i understand, people should start calling us any day now offering us their house in exchange for the realtor we kidnapped. i'm really looking forward to it.

will let you know when the housewarming is. who do we have to kidnap for that, i wonder.

gym diary

day 3: the two fat women are back and they brought their boyfriends. definitely not even close to being the fattest one in the gym today. the polio seems to be taking over. legs aren't working well at all. the changing room makes me uncomfortable. there's something about being surrounded by naked sweaty men that makes me uneasy. i don't like it. it's not natural.

gym diary

day 1: realized i'm not the fattest person at the gym. very encouraging. still fat though. i could really go for a cookie.

day 2: today i appear to be the fattest person at the gym. where are those two fat women from yesterday? and why are all of these people running on the treadmill. that can't be safe.

day 3 - pre-workout: legs are sore. i hope it's because of the exercise and not from polio. i don't want polio. or gonorrhea. definitely don't want gonorrhea.

my battle with air canada continues

to all my faithful reader,

i apologize for the lack of regularity in my postings recently. but please don't be too angry or frustrated with me. instead, why not blame and take your frustrations out on air canada. they deserve it, and i'll prove it.

i've been traveling a lot this month with yet another trip to come before the month ends. already 8 flights survived, but not without having to endure air canada's seemingly unlimited supply of incompetence. so to help me bear this frustration, i've decided to keep track of all of the ways in which they have disappointed me in 2009. additionally, if you look to the right, you'll see that i'm also keeping track of how much money they owe me for wasted time. as i continue to be forced to travel with them over the year (because my company buys bulk tickets from them and forces me to fly with them), i will do my best to keep track of their incompetence in blog posts and the money they owe me in the new section on the right. perhaps at the end of they year, i'll send them an invoice.

so here's how my flights have gone so far this year:

flight #2: 30 minutes, plane was late arriving, 20 minutes making a claim for lost luggage
flight #3: 90 minutes, sitting on plane while they looked for our pilot
flight #6: 50 minutes, rebooting plane's computer (twice)
flight #7: 20 minutes, changing lightbulb in main entry
flight #8: 120 minutes, cancelled flight, had to re-route through toronto.

canada = cold... or hadn't you heard?

with the windchill, it is currently -42 degrees celcius. that's almost -44 degrees fahrenheit. today's projected high temperature is -38 degrees celcius.

and i don't even live in the coldest part of canada. in fact, not even close. at -42, washer fluid for the car windshield (designed for winter) turns to gel when it hits the windshield. frostbite occurs on exposed skin in only a few minutes. dogs would rather hold in their pee then go outside. homeless people die.

and yet the canadian, us, russian, finland, and several other governments are fighting over the rights for passage and land claim near the north pole. and for what? oil? natural gas? what a sad commentary on the state of political leadership. but we already knew how sad our political leaders were before now. i hope the leaders fighting for the rights to destroy the already deteriorating environment up there have to live there when they win the battle. but that would be just too perfect...

in other news, i'm venturing out into the cold at lunch today to have breakfast for lunch. a giant waffle with a mountain of bananas and drizzled with chocolate hazelnut sauce and whipped cream. well worth the risk of frostbite from walking the two blocks to get there.

and since the news is out...

i send my condolences to all the ladies out there...

here's something to read

you know, i can't think of anything in this whole world worse than a pen running out of ink in the middle of writing down someone's phone number.

oh yeah!

i was supposed to write an ode to something today. i don't think it was my wang... but maybe. my wang is as ode-deserving as any other thing. well, almost anything...

oh well. another ode-less day.

some days...

...i really just don't feel like working. perhaps it's because i'm generally more productive in three hours than most of the people i work with are in a whole day. and certainly more productive in three hours than most of my clients are in a whole week. so i feel as though i can take a break occasionally to do nothing. it's my way of sticking it to the man. whoever that is.

i really want to go on a safari in tanzania. anyone want to join me?

i remember when i was in high school (yes, t, a very, very long time ago) i took a typing class. at the time, i took it because it was supposed to be a bird course (remember that phrase? bird course? sure you do). now, i'm obviously glad i took it because i'd hate to have to do the one-finger thing i see people like my boss doing. where was i going with this train of thought? uhhh... crap. there was going to be a point. oh well.

shut up. that's my point. ok, it wasn't. but screw you anyway! ok. maybe not. i didn't mean it. i need a cookie. someone! send me a cookie!

what? i wasn't kidding about that part.

yes, another picture. i'm taking the easy way out

Busker in Old Town Square. Prague, Czech Republic (click to embiggen)

ok... so it's been a while. big deal.

London, UK (click to embiggen)