so i'm at the grocery store. well, not now, but i was. and i had just picked up a head of lettuce, put it in my shopping cart, and turned around to see someone i really didn't want to see. you know that feeling, right? so now i'm all "did she see me? she's not looking at me. maybe she didn't see me. but what if she did? am i obligated to go talk to her? i'm getting the hell out of here."
so i go to make my quiet exit and end up behind another shopping cart with a baby in it. all of a sudden, as if the baby knew i was trying to sneak away, it starts yelling at me. and now, i'm no longer worried about running into the other person.
"daddy! daddy!" it cried out at me. then, the arms stretched out in my direction. again... "daddy!"
my face goes white. i'm sure of it. i feel the blood drain from my face. so again, i try to make a quick escape. but the screams get louder and i'm blocked in. "daddy!!!!" and it starts crying as though i'm breaking its heart by not acknowledging it as my own. and then it happens...
the father arrives and picks the kid up. "oh thank god," i'm thinking. but it didn't stop. the kid is still staring at me with arms stretched out screaming "daddy!!!"
so i look at the father and say, "ummm... i don't know what it's talking about. i mean he's talking about." and he's just glaring at me. so i say "she?" and he nods.
"all right then." (nervously looking around for an escape route) by now, half of the produce section is staring at me, including the girl i didn't want to talk to. there's no easy way out of this. now the blood has returned to my face. too much blood i'm assuming. i can feel my face get red. i quietly say to the woman next to me "excuse me." she moves slightly. i walk by and whisper "thank you. it's not mine. really."
and quickly make my way from the produce section to the frozen food section... where i belong.
10 comments:
Some people are meant to be parents. Some people are meant to be in frozen foods...you are definitely one or the other.
So my plug doesn't seem to have gotten you much more blog love. Maybe we just need to give it time.
I usually head to the frozen food section last. Because frozen food defrosts when it's in your cart, making it not frozen.
hee hee hee hee hee hee hee.
*giggling*
*giggling harder*
*laughing*
I still think this is hilarious.
k2 - you're absolutely right. but you knew that already. and as far as the additional traffic goes, i still appreciate the effort.
m - the frozen food section was last. after the little outburst by the kid, i decided to put as much distance between myself and the kid, the girl, and everyone else who was staring at me as possible so i skipped the rest of the sections, bought some frozen foods and went home.
t - i thought you'd get a kick out of this. you do enjoy seeing me suffer.
Moral of the story: never buy lettuce.
The end.
And may blog love be yours.
l - it seems intelligence and generosity runs in the family. no more lettuce for me. i knew there was a reason i avoided it for 31 years.
Oh my goodness gracious! I just noticed to the right (not the left- I sometimes screw that up) that there is a little link that seems very familiar!
Maybe I will go check it out.
Also, my word for this time is "aaonzqnt"
Oh, and perhaps something related to this post: lettuce is tasty.
this story amuses greatly.
sorry about that.
cb - sometimes scary things are funny. but only when the person affected makes it out alive. no need to apologize.
Right, so I read this again, and found it amusing all over again.
*giggling to self*
That's three comments from me now, in the passed few minutes. Talk about attention!
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