how kids are ruining my life

so maybe ruining is too strong a word. but i feel like i need to exaggerate at times to get people to read my blog... because my real life is so boring.

so yeah... kids. i hate 'em. this time i'm not exaggerating. ok. maybe i am. but who asked you? i hate most kids. i've met a couple that i can tolerate, but generally have found the presence of children foul and unpleasant. so how are they "ruining" my life? i'm glad you asked.

1. i moved. thanks for your help by the way -- lazy bastards. anyway, the place i moved to is on the bottom floor of an old house. it's beautiful and filled with character (not unlike someone who writes in this blog). the major drawback, however, is that there's a single mother who lives upstairs and her two year old kid screams for hours at a time. it's almost like the mother isn't home because she doesn't do anything to stop the screaming. i actually have to leave sometimes when she starts because i'm afraid i'll lose it. one of us has to go. and i'm both bigger and older so it's only fair that she leaves. the mother can stay if she wants... she's usually quite quiet. but the kid and her pointless screaming need to find someplace else to call home. or, a second option would be to put her down. i know it sounds horrible, but sometimes the hardest decision is the right one.

2. it's very difficult to find a woman who doesn't want kids. that's a problem because i have no desire to ever have children of my own. probably for the best based on my obvious disdain for them. maybe i should invite some women over to stay at my place for a few hours to listen to the waste of skin upstairs scream for hours. if that doesn't change their mind, then i'll know they're not for me.

3. there's no number three, but i thought two reasons why kids are ruining my life seemed a bit lame. so this is a filler bullet. however, if you have any recommendations on the two issues i've outlined, i'd really appreciate it. quite frankly, it's time you started contributing something to this relationship. i give so much...

i'm hungry.