here's the thing...

... i really want a puppie. and i can finally have one ever since i moved to my new place. but i don't know if it's fair to the dog because i travel so much. a lot of the time, i'd be able to take him/her with me, but there will be times when i can't... and there will be even more times when i'm at work all day and most of the night.

i think what i need is someone who can take joint custody of the puppy. someone who can't have one of their own because they live in an apartment or something but really love dogs and wouldn't mind playing with mine and letting it out when i can't. i also need this person to be free, or at least very inexpensive. t, add this to the list of things to watch for... you know...

or, i could just not get a dog. yeah, that's what i'll do. and i'll just continue living a miserable existence with no pet or candy. thank god i'm funny. and have good taste. and am unbelievably intelligent. and rich. well, not really rich yet. actually, sort of. just got my bonus so i feel rich. but not rich enough. this has absolutely nothing to do with a puppie. FOCUS!

some things are better left unsaid...

... this, however, is not one of those things.

some people smell.

now bring me some candy

something else...

i wish i lived on a planet that had two suns -- regular sun and "rogue" sun. that way, when somebody asked me what time it was, i'd say, "regular time?" and they'd say, "yeah." and i'd say, "sorry, all i have is rogue time." it'd be fun to be a stuck-up rogue time guy.

the blue door

i think the waiter at the restaurant t and i went to last night had the hots for me. i mean... why else would he have given me my meal for free?

so i've got all these stamps that aren't any good to me anymore. they're only 48 cent stamps and now postage is 51 cents. what the hell am i gonna do with all these stamps?

alright. i've got nothing left to say.

dear montreal bell centre

i'm slightly embarassed to be writing you about this, but sometimes desperation can make one do things they typically would not. i'm writing because i screwed up and i'm hoping that you can overlook my mistake and help me out... because i'd help you out. see?

please send me at least two free tickets for the pavarotti farewell concert on june 3rd. and i want good seats too... i won't get into why i didn't just buy them when they were available, but trust me... it wasn't my fault. i was promised free tickets and then the promisers didn't come through.

i'll deal with them separately. but if you could just do this one little thing for me, i'll be forever thankful.

so this is how it happened...

the time is 9:05 PM AST.

(scrolling down, scrolling down, scrolling... oops. too far. scrolls up ever so slightly. presses 'dial')

ring ring...

ring ring...

ring ring...

ring ring...

ring... *inaudible* are not available/home (or something). please leave a...

click.

and that, t, is why i never call.

how kids are ruining my life

so maybe ruining is too strong a word. but i feel like i need to exaggerate at times to get people to read my blog... because my real life is so boring.

so yeah... kids. i hate 'em. this time i'm not exaggerating. ok. maybe i am. but who asked you? i hate most kids. i've met a couple that i can tolerate, but generally have found the presence of children foul and unpleasant. so how are they "ruining" my life? i'm glad you asked.

1. i moved. thanks for your help by the way -- lazy bastards. anyway, the place i moved to is on the bottom floor of an old house. it's beautiful and filled with character (not unlike someone who writes in this blog). the major drawback, however, is that there's a single mother who lives upstairs and her two year old kid screams for hours at a time. it's almost like the mother isn't home because she doesn't do anything to stop the screaming. i actually have to leave sometimes when she starts because i'm afraid i'll lose it. one of us has to go. and i'm both bigger and older so it's only fair that she leaves. the mother can stay if she wants... she's usually quite quiet. but the kid and her pointless screaming need to find someplace else to call home. or, a second option would be to put her down. i know it sounds horrible, but sometimes the hardest decision is the right one.

2. it's very difficult to find a woman who doesn't want kids. that's a problem because i have no desire to ever have children of my own. probably for the best based on my obvious disdain for them. maybe i should invite some women over to stay at my place for a few hours to listen to the waste of skin upstairs scream for hours. if that doesn't change their mind, then i'll know they're not for me.

3. there's no number three, but i thought two reasons why kids are ruining my life seemed a bit lame. so this is a filler bullet. however, if you have any recommendations on the two issues i've outlined, i'd really appreciate it. quite frankly, it's time you started contributing something to this relationship. i give so much...

i'm hungry.

a repetitive, redundant, recurring entry

i really, really, really dislike air canada. really.

but on the bright side, their inability to keep their planes in good repair and their inability to launch a flight on schedule does give me the time to write something in my blog. and for that, i know you're thankful. but please don't send air canada a thank you note. i'm mad at them. and so are you because they made me mad. (what? i'd do it for you)

but i'm not going to spend the whole post complaining about air canada. there will be plenty more opportunities for that i'm sure. my one hope left for this day is that i get seated next to some hot woman on the plane. but that won't happen, you see, because i'm quite sure air canada has a note in my file telling the check-in personnel to seat the fattest and/or most annoying person possible next to me and to be sure to reserve the seat either directly in front of me or directly behind me for a screaming kid.

in fact, i've just seen the person i know will be seated next to me. overweight, pants pulled up to his nipples, white socks and dress shoes, topped off with... (and this is just a guess at this point)... some of the worst BO known to man. i'm really looking forward to this trip.

on another note, i'm finally going to have cable and internet back when the cable company comes to hook me up on sunday (sometime between 8am and 5pm). nothing like being specific.

i think i'm going to start buying two tickets everywhere i fly and then i can bring my own hot woman with me. except i don't own a hot woman. but i'm sure i can borrow one for a free trip now and then.