things i've seen today

baseball caps with suits.
purple polyester-tweed matching pants and jackets.
white socks with black dress shoes and pants.
formal black dress shoes with blue jeans.
orange and black camouflage jacket (no rifle or wilderness in sight).
crocs (tanya... i didn't see you, but still)

people, please...

it's not even fun to laugh at you anymore. it makes me sick to my stomach. and i have a 17-year no-vomiting streak to think of.

on the bright side, i made a very exciting purchase today. and only two weeks before it arrives!! look at me. i'm like a dog who knows you're getting ready to take him/her for a walk. except i haven't lost complete control and peed on the floor. yet.

here are my thoughts on chain emails

i hate 'em.

i mean, really... who wastes their time coming up with these stupid things? and what makes other people think that i have the time to waste reading them? have you ever gotten one that says "this is not a joke. if you send this to 15 people in the next 8 minutes..."

who came up with this? and how did they get the power to give everyone who followed the directions good luck that night? or forces someone to call and tell you that they love you? it sounds like a joke to me... except for how much time i've wasted deleting them.

seriously, is there a bunch of voodoo, blackmagic, witches and magicians out there developing these emails and cursing those who don't follow the rules and rewarding those who do? or is it god? is god the one with all of the free time... writing emails and making ridiculous demands like "if thou does not forwardeth this to at least ten people, i shalt punnish thee."

it's pathetic. stop the insanity people. please.

(now, please forward this post to everyone who has ever sent you one of these kinds of emails. send it within the next ten years and maybe something will happen to you before you die. you know... you'll find a penny on the sidewalk... maybe you'll be the victim of a drive by shooting, or you'll get extra cheese on your pizza without even asking for it. i'm not quite sure... but i can promise you this, something will definitely happen to you.)

mailbox - westjet

dear westjet,

i love you. i know we barely know each other. i've only flown with you about three times. but i do. i love you. now don't get the wrong impression. i'm not in love with you. i already have a girlfriend and no matter how good you are, you're no match for her. it's more of a love between friends... know what i'm sayin'? but i'm getting off track. i just thought you should know that i think you're really neat.

you serve pepsi. not coke. that's so awesome! you're a discount airline, but here i sit, freakishly long legs and i can't reach the seat ahead of me (sure i'm sitting in the emergency exit row and the seat ahead of me has been removed, but the statement is still true). your customer service agents didn't give me a hard time. i like it when they don't do that. and your price is less than half of what i normally pay on air canada. and we all know how i feel about them. if you don't, then you should read my blog. (actually, you should really read it anyway. it's occassionally entertaining.)

if i was the stranger-hugging type, i'd give you a big hug. but i'm not, and i don't want you to get the wrong idea about our relationship. so yeah... no hug.

ok. i can't think of anything else to say except i'll definitely see you again and it would be great if you could fly to more places. specifically, the street that my girlfriend lives on so that when i fly through toronto, i can actually see her.

cheerio,
d

vacation. roadtrip. opportunity. photos. PART II

ok. so it's moving day now.... or it was that day. the day after the set of other pictures were taken. the day these pictures were taken. i would have taken pictures of us moving boxes and stuff, but we were busy. moving boxes and stuff. so once again, you get the pictures i took from the passenger seat while my baby drove the big rig. (i think we both have alternative careers to consider).

so here's the first picture of the day. it seems as though the word was out that t was leaving town so a number of the locals lined up to say goodbye. (as i shouted "good riddance, jerks!")

this picture is just for me and t.

we decided there was no time for lunch, but we needed something to munch on for the trip. so we stop at a store called "the blue canoe." i'm not sure how they got that name. but hey! here's t making friends with the locals.

ok. the beaver's getting a little too friendly. back off, bitey! (that's what i called him. he likes it when you call him that.)

ok. almost all set. ready to hit the road.

we've picked up a healthy snack.

see this? she's a pro! she's digging for some ringolos and still keeping her eyes on the road.

umm... isn't there a very similar picture of you doing this on your blog baby? tres sexy.

i have no idea what the importance of this picture was.

she has such beautiful hands, doesn't she? if i had a nickle for every one of these i got... oh boy... i'd have a lot of nickles.

another fork in the road. last time we didn't go to moncton like i wanted. maybe this time?
nope. see, it's not about what i want. it's all about t. and i'm good with that. but notice everyone else was heading to moncton. i'm not saying that makes me right. but it certainly doesn't hurt my argument. it does remind me of this one time i was right though. asterisk.

ok. more canadian military presence. are they looking out for us, OR are they following us? spooky!

oh my god i'm funny. hahahahahahahahaha... see, here's proof.

here are some trees. (what? it wouldn't be a canadian roadtrip without pictures of trees.)

just for good measure, here are some more. this is actually a horse farm. you can't see the horses. but they're there. it's true. really.

what's this? reversing falls? water falls that actually reverse? WOW! we gotta go there. it's only two km away. can we please, baby? please!

ooohhh, too bad for this guy. turns out he had a truck full of crack. it's not what you're thinking though. he had a sculpture of oprah winfrey's ass from 1985. pervert. (sorry, bad joke)

oh yeah... reversing falls. take a left, baby. this is gonna be great! actually, bleury street also sounds fascinating.

so once again, it's not about me. she didn't want to stop at reversing falls. but she did take me down the street that was named after me. that's right... she loves me.

almost there. why did i take this picture? i guess we'll never know.

ok. there's a good story behind this one. the building in the background is the air canada customer contact centre. i wanted to take a picture that more clearly illustrated this (with the big sign over the entry). but i think this photo is actually more accurate. the street sign, covering up the logo is more relevant to my experiences with air canada.

ok. last picture for this post. can you believe it? someone was driving our van! and they wouldn't give it back. sons-a-bitches. but seriously folks. why would you pay to have that put on your license plate? who else's van would it be? idiots.

so that's it. i have more pictures of t giving me the finger. but those are special to me so i don't think i'll share them. there are some pictures of her and me playing miniature golf... she cheated. maybe i'll post them. or maybe not. i'm not quite sure yet.

vacation. roadtrip. opportunity. photos.

so here's the situation. my hot girlfriend is moving on... toronto and bigger/brighter things are calling her. i'm on vacation. i offer to help her move out of her apartment. we need a truck. we don't own a truck. we tried renting several trucks with little luck. that's because fredericton sucks. so we drive to saint john and rent a truck there. the journey begins. the goal - get the fuck out of fredericton forever!

so we start our trip. my hot, sexy truckin mama girlfriend is at the wheel of the big rig. hot, isn't she?


so we're on the road. we're doing this. we're getting her out of fredericton. there was no looking back! (ok... so maybe there was a little looking back. but we were in a giant truck and the responsible thing to do is look behind you from time to time.)

we're mostly excited. but a little scared too. i mean, look... for the next 30 km, we had to worry about giant car-attacking animals.

but we had to keep going in spite of our fear. actually, we weren't that scared. i was just saying that for effect. did it work? really, this was a beginning. we were chasing something called opportunity. you probably have no idea why this picture is so relevant. but it is. just move on. i'm not going to explain it to you.

her job was to drive. my job was to keep the radio jumpin'.

i wasn't very good at my job.

here's a tree we saw along the way. actually, i'm not sure she saw it. so here it is. look at this tree baby!

umm.... these are more trees. oh, and the antenna of the truck. what you can't see is the carnage on the windshield. hundreds of dead bugs. but the trees are beautiful, aren't they?

for the most part, we felt safe. the canadian military had us covered.

i wanted to turn right. but oh no! she took us to fredericton. i hate that place. she's so focused. but i guess it's for the best. we did have to move her stuff from fredericton. moncton would have been much more fun though.

oh, hey... look at this. a sunset. erotic, no? i'm getting turned on. (not really.)

ok. so here we are. fredericton. or almost. (man, i hate that place.)

she's still not satisfied with my radio selections. i thought i was turnin' that mutha out. but what do i know?

hey look. more trees.

ok. this is part one. we arrived in fredericton. i have several more photos. a lot of them are blurry. and some of them involve my beautiful, sexy, smart, funny girlfriend giving me the finger. i probably deserved it. but that will become clear in part two.

but before i can show part two, i have to go and say goodbye to her. well, not goodbye. more like, "i'll see you soon."