i challenge you to a dual

well, not really. but let's just pretend i've slapped you across the face with a leather glove anyway. don't be offended. it was soft, italian leather.

one thing you might not know about me is that i enjoy home renovation. the biggest issue for me right now is that i don't have a home that i can renovate. it's a pretty big issue, wouldn't you say? but let's forget about that right now. let's instead focus on the fun that can come from renovating a house. sure, it can be stressful, but it can also be fun. for example: you can have a competition with your spouse/boyfriend/girlfriend/roommate/friend/homeless person - basically anyone to see who can coax home improvement store staff to say funny phrases. here are some examples:

yes, this is real artificial stone (30 points)
i don't recommend any chainsaw for a six-year old (40 points)
this is porch paint, not porche paint (20 points)
you can huff, you can puff... (30 points)
actually, we say "safety first" (10 points)
metric or imperial? (10 points)
i think this siding looks best with your eyes (10 points)
i know studs (30 points)
this linoleum is sick! (20 points)
describe the blockage (20 points)
we don't stock asbestos (10 points)
this one swings both ways (30 points)

you can add your own as well. i'll allow it. of course, it will cost you some cookies.

my contribution

i just thought of something else. and you know what that means - you get a second post absolutely free today.

i'm a really nice guy. not many people know this about me because of my indifference about most things and the fact that there's an impression that i'm dead inside. but really, i'm a nice guy. here's proof.

i'm doing my best to save the US... no, global economy. if my plan works, then oh boy. you guys will all owe me big time. and by "you guys" clearly i mean the people i pretend are still reading my blog after abandoning them for months. but still... if i save the global economy, that should more than make up for me skipping out on a few dozen posts.

also, i noticed that k posted something about the economy as well recently. i'm not sure what that's all about, but i can say that my plan is already underway. perhaps if we work together, we can turn this thing around even faster and you will owe us both.

i prefer payment in cash. with a side of cookies. chocolate chip, if you don't mind.

d-shank redemption

remember in that movie about those guys who did that stuff? and one guy said something like "on the outside, i was a law abiding citizen. i had to go to jail to become a criminal." i feel like the same thing has happened to me.

except i'm not in jail and technically not a criminal. so really, it's not a direct comparison.

(this is the point in the post where i decide if i should continue trying to make the connection work or if i just give up.)

ah, forget about it. someone get me a cookie.

am i back?

well, clearly.

but will it be for good this time? doubtful. but you should take what you can get.

so... how 'bout this new layout? i've been working on it for day now. i was going to use that as my excuse for not posting since last august, but you deserve the truth. and if not the truth, then nothing at all.