some days...

...i really just don't feel like working. perhaps it's because i'm generally more productive in three hours than most of the people i work with are in a whole day. and certainly more productive in three hours than most of my clients are in a whole week. so i feel as though i can take a break occasionally to do nothing. it's my way of sticking it to the man. whoever that is.

i really want to go on a safari in tanzania. anyone want to join me?

i remember when i was in high school (yes, t, a very, very long time ago) i took a typing class. at the time, i took it because it was supposed to be a bird course (remember that phrase? bird course? sure you do). now, i'm obviously glad i took it because i'd hate to have to do the one-finger thing i see people like my boss doing. where was i going with this train of thought? uhhh... crap. there was going to be a point. oh well.

shut up. that's my point. ok, it wasn't. but screw you anyway! ok. maybe not. i didn't mean it. i need a cookie. someone! send me a cookie!

what? i wasn't kidding about that part.

the stock market... can't live with it... pass the beer nuts

my ass is starting to get sore from the screwing it's been taking from the stock market recently. when you count my actual losses with the lack of gains i could have made had i had the balls to dump more of my hard earned cash into a market that nobody can predict, a lesser person might do something stupid. instead, i've started throwing peanuts at people.

stupid stock market decisions aside, i've recently re-realized that i'm a genius. what? i forgot before. i never said i had a good memory. or maybe i did. i can't remember.

my company's staff christmas party is next week. strike that. it's a holiday party. jesus isn't allowed in. anyway, they're flying us all to newfoundland for this holiday extravaganza and i am sooooo not looking forward to the trip. of the 12 people in our office, i can tolerate 5. two of them are taking an earlier flight. the primary reason i find the other 7 people so intolerable is because they're loud, obnoxious, child-like, and one of them is a crier. and also because none of them have the wit and incredible sense of humour i've been blessed with.

the itinerary involves a very short 35 minute flight on a plane that holds 18 people. let's just say that i can't wait for the poorly constructed attempts at humour disguised as comments of disbelief and pretend fright that will ensue when they see this plane
... and then again when we get in the plane
... and of course after we land safely
... and then when we meet up with the 12 other losers from our other satellite office in the terminal building
... and then again when we get into the normal sized plane that takes us to the rock when they thank god for not having to get in another small plane
... and again when we land in newfoundland and they have to tell all of our colleagues there about the scary, scary flight that they were on and afraid for their lives.

i may have to take one of those suicide pills they give to secret agents in case the pain becomes too much to take.

please, internet. pray for me. or send me cash so i can upgrade my ticket to business class.